Thomas

 I wrote this a few months ago: 

If there ever was a Mr. Perfect in my eyes it would be my co-worker, Thomas who I love very much and I care about a lot. He might be renting a room from me at some point. I was in shock for awhile that he would even ask me about renting a room. I have had a crush on this young man for about 10 months now, which is the longest I have ever had a crush on a guy without him becoming my boyfriend. But I kept feeling like God said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet.  He is 16 years younger then me. :) I have hit on this poor young guy several times through texts, never in person though. He is just so cute!  I couldn't help it. Every time I am around him I want to tell him how totally cute he is, but I don't. I am generally very business like around him, because that is how I am used to being at work. 

He was pretty mad at work one night. He told me and my manager that he might report me for sexual harassment. That made me very sad. I had texted him the love song "In Case You Didn't Know" and a love poem I wrote.  The poem said, "I will love you no matter what you say.  I will love you no matter what you do.  No matter how much you drive me crazy, I will love you.  My love for you is exuberant and never ending.  You could never make me stop loving you." My best friend said that poem sounded creepy.  I thought it was a beautiful poem. :) But apparently that poem really got under his skin.  I concluded from his anger that he simply was not ready for a relationship, or he was mad because I had a boyfriend at the time and he could not understand why I was hitting on him.  I was hitting on him because I was not happy with that boyfriend.  I was not in love with him.  He felt more like just a friend to me, possibly because Thomas has had my heart for a long time now.  I have always wondered if Thomas and I could have a beautiful romance, and I think we could. I feel like he and I are very similar, even though he is so much younger then me. 

Here is the most interesting thing about Thomas, for a long time I felt that I was talking to him telepathically, but then God told me it was just him pretending to be Thomas.  Either way, apparently God really wants me and Thomas to be together. God told me awhile ago that if I marry Thomas he and I will rule worlds together in heaven.  That sounds pretty cool. :)

There were two nights at work though where I yelled at him a lot, and I have felt bad about it ever since. He was partly a cause in getting a friend of mine fired there, so I lashed out at him. I said, "I hate you!" And he said that I am crazy. Yes I would be crazy for hating him because he is so wonderful. But actually I was crazy in love with him and that was partly why I yelled at him. I went outside to cry after yelling at him and I wanted him to come outside so I could kiss him, but instead he told me to go home. :( I told him I thought he was a chauvinist and that he discriminated against the women who worked there. And I said he needed to not be such a dictator because he is just running a pizza store, not the entire country. I felt those things needed to be said. 

And now he might want to rent a room in my house.  I never thought this day would come. Obviously he might just want to be friends, which could be best so I have time to heal from my last break up.  But if he wants more hm....  Right when I was ready to be single for the rest of my life.  I was ready to give up on love.  I was ready to just be done and turn my heart off for the rest of my life. Then Thomas thinks of making a move.  If it is a move.  I don't know what he is thinking overall.

Maybe he just wants to be my live in body guard to keep me safe from my last boyfriend.  Maybe he just wants me to have a friend to live with so I won't ask my ex to move back in. I told him the full situation with that and how my ex was kind of dangerous. Either way I know we care about each other a lot as friends and we always have. I can't figure out if I see him more as a brother or a possible boyfriend though. He kind of looks like my step-brother, ironically. But he is SO cute and he is the sweetest man I have ever known in my life.  He is actually the sweetest person I have ever known. I wonder if being with him could mess up our friendship though. I wonder if he has that fear too and that is why he hasn't tried pursing me yet.

I greatly admire his work ethic and I know he admires how hard I work too.  He always comes to work early.  He almost never complains about anything at work and I love that. He genuinely seems to enjoy his job.  Maybe he just really likes working with me, who knows. :)  He has always been a perfect gentleman towards me. I don't think I have ever been around such a perfect gentleman before. Most guys are dogs but he is very refined and sweet and just perfectly wonderful.

It is tricky though because he has a friend that likes me also.  I have always wondered if he is trying to set me up with his friend. I actually like both of them, but at some point I would have to pick one, but I don't know which one likes me more. And I don't know which one I like more. 

And that is the silly predicament I am in now. lol. May God help me. :)