Anorexia Nervosa

Why is it called that? Because people who don't eat seem nervous all the time. I have known tons of anorexic people in my life. I have even been anorexic at times. Generally I have always tried to feed myself well, but there have been times where I barely ate anything. The main reason was because I was really scared of getting fat. Our culture tells us women that we need to look like a stick in order to be beautiful, so it can be hard for any woman to enjoy eating. I was always jealous of women around me who obviously did enjoy eating. I didn't get how they could enjoy the freedom to let themselves get fat.  How could they love themselves at all if they were fat? How could any guy love them if they were fat? So that always kept me from enjoying food too much. I wanted to always love myself, at least a little, and for others to love me too. So I struggled a bit with anorexia, but I have certainly not been as anorexic as other people I have known. 

My whole life my mom pretty much refused to feed herself enough. I think she had this same mentality, that if she got fat no one would love her. Her constant hunger drove me nuts because her blood sugar was all over the place and it turned her into a nutcase. I never knew when she was going to be the sweet mom or the crazy mom. I was always like, "Mom, did you eat today yet?"

Recently I had to deal with that with my boss at work. She would go like 10 hours without eating. It was no wonder why she came off as such a bitch. I would try to feed her when I could. In the mornings I would bring her a smoothie from McDonald's. If I got a McChicken later on, I would get her one too. I don't think she went hungry because she was broke. She worked and her husband worked. I think she starved herself because she was obsessed with having a perfect body, which is usually the motivation for anorexia. 

My older brother has always been anorexic and an overly picky eater, from age 2 until now at age 41. It drove my dad nuts if he would only eat half his dinner. One time I met him for lunch with my bf when I was 26. He was the skinniest I have ever seen someone be in my Entire life. I got back in the car with my bf and started crying. I was in shock and it made me so sad. I was wondering if he had become addicted to cocaine, because that can make you really skinny. Or maybe he just wasn't working enough to feed himself right. I know my brother was always excessively in love with pot, so he could have been spending all his extra money on pot instead of food. Like the idiot that he was. :(

About a year ago, I met my current bf. He was the second skinniest person I had ever seen, besides seeing my brother that day. My first thought about him was, "My goodness! I need to feed this guy lots of pasta!" I never made pasta for him. lol. But we have eaten a lot of pizza together over the past year. Now I weigh 174 and he weighs 160. Mission accomplished. He finally put some weight on. Other wives want their man to loose some weight. I was trying to put more weight on my lover. :) 

My oldest daughter was somewhat anorexic. I think she inherited her skinny build from my ex husband, but also she was an extremely picky eater. She would only eat fruit or cheese its. She did like PB and J sandwiches so that was good. I remember asking her if she wanted a different kind of food like 15 times a day and she always said no. I was so frustrated by that. I finally realized the solution, putting bags of snacks all over the place. Then whenever she wanted a snack, she could get it. That solved the problem. 

Another bf I had was one of the skinniest guys I had ever seen, Josh. He was crazy skinny. My first thought about him was, "Geez poor guy. Doesn't he have food to eat?" I realized after being with him that the issue was he would walk off any calories that he ate. I think he was overly afraid of getting fat. He would comment on my weight sometimes. It was very hurtful. That is probably we didn't make it in the long run. I think he grew up with his dad saying things to his mom about keeping a skinny figure, and that's why he said things to me. So retarded....

I remember one time I saw my grandpa after years of being out of state. He asked me, "Is this a child within you?" I was like, "Haha, no that is just fat." He said, "Well you better get that womanly figure back." I wanted to say, "Why the f....do you care what my figure is like?? What the hell man." But I didn't. :)  A year before that I texted my mom some pictures I had taken with my bf. She said I was looking a little too chubby. I literally just looked healthy, not chubby. My weight then was probably about 160. I was hurt for a long time that she said that. Comments like that are why people become anorexic. Be careful what you say to people. Food is good. Don't shame people into starving themselves. That is not nice. 

Our society now is so crazy. The expectations for a person's body are way too high. Not everyone can look like people who are swimsuit models, so give up trying to be that or to find that. If you do find a guy or girl who looks like that, they will probably be pissed off all the time because they are so hungry. I would rather be with someone who is slightly fat and happy, then someone with a perfect body who is always starving themselves. Then they are miserable and you will be miserable. That is why they say women either have good looks or a good personality. If they actually eat, they have a better personality, because they are happy and not hungry. :)

In high school I only weighed 120. I really wish I was still that weight, but it's hard to stay 120 your whole life. My weight was so good partly because I was playing basketball in high school and on the weekends for fun. Also, my my mom never had unhealthy foods in our house. She never ever bought ice cream or chips or candy or cookies. The only sweet thing in our house was yogurt. You might be thinking, "Then what on earth did you guys eat?" Fish sticks, pot roast, granola bars, mixed veggies, etc. She was a single mom for 7 years so in that whole time we never went out to eat at a restaurant, like literally not even one time. Pretty sad. :( We never ever got fast food. For 7 years I literally had no fast food.  No wonder why I loved getting Taco Bell so much when I turned 18 and finally got my own car. 

In conclusion, if you do want to loose weight, or you want someone you know to loose weight, just don't buy cookies, candy, ice cream or chips. Don't starve yourself. Just eat more healthy. And have a dance party every day. :)

Good luck and God bless!