Thursday, October 21, 2021

Suicide is Sad

 The song Hold On by Justin Bieber is pretty awesome. I just stumbled across Hold On by Chord Overstreet also. It is the only song I've heard about suicide. It just made me totally loose it crying. I was thinking of my mom I guess. She has attempted suicide probably about 10 times throughout my life. I never witnessed it. I just heard about it. I can always understand why though. If I married a man who sexually abused my daughter I would want to die too. Maybe that is isn't the only reason why she wants to die though. God, why does my mom want to die??

"She is lost. She doesn't know me, but she thinks she does. I'm sorry it has affected you so much. She will be ok. Maybe she will still go to heaven. Just keep praying for her. She is stronger then you realize. She will make it through this life and so will you." 

Two years ago my ex husband was loosing his mind so much I was afraid he might try to kill himself. That was the main reason I let him keep our daughters and I haven't tired to interfere with him having them the past 2 years. I wanted to give him something to live for. I felt like he needed them more then I did. I knew God would send me other friends and other kids to take care of, and he did. I knew Ben really needed those girls to keep him wanting to stay alive. Now I somewhat regret letting him have them, but my intentions were to keep him alive. 

If my mom didn't have me half her life, she probably would have killed herself by now. Mostly I think I was a huge blessing to her, and I gave her something to live for. 

Everyone needs someone to live for. If you don't have someone that keeps you wanting to live, then what keeps you going? Why get out of bed everyday? There is hopefully one person for each of you that keeps you going. 

If you don't have a special person, may God send you one. What is life if we don't have someone to love deeply? 

God bless. :)


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