When I was in 2nd grade, that was the first time I had a good friend die. My best friend's name was Megan. She was blond and really nice. That is all I remember about her. One day her mom's boyfriend shot her mom, her and her grandma at their house. I have wondered my entire life what he was so mad about in order to do that. I suppose he was possessed, but his anger started with something. Maybe my friend's mom was mean to him. Maybe she cheated on him.
I suppose that is why I was overly paranoid about my ex possibly trying to kill me. One day he had a pocket-knife in his bed. I went to make his bed and saw it. I texted him and said, "Why was there a pocket-knife in your bed." He said he had it there in case I tried to attack him in his sleep. I told him he needed to go live with his family. Later he said he never would have tried hurting me. I said I wasn't so sure that he wouldn't have, because he was going crazy at that time.
As a kid, the death of my friend shook my whole world. To hear about something like that at such a young age was crazy. I think it kind of set me into a sad state for the rest of my life. It made me think about the pains of life all the time. I always thought my dad sexually abusing me stole my innocence and my happy, young childhood, but maybe hearing about that did more so.
Thankfully, I did not experience anyone else dying for a long time. I almost felt like I was going to die in 5th grade. My appendix exploded, and I had to get it removed. The doctor had told my mom if she had waited a few more days to bring me to the ER, I would have died. The recovery from that was pretty terrible. I always wondered if the vaccines my mom had forced me to take a few months before that caused my appendix to explode.
The next close person to me to die was my grandma. I was 25 and she was 92. I cried a little, but it was expected so it was not as painful as I thought it would be.
When I was 27, my first serious boyfriend died from drinking while being on too many meds. That was devastating for me. I wonder if I took his death overly hard because of the death of my friend as a little kid. I cried every day for a year. I kept wishing I could pray him back to life. I suppose in a way I did, because my current boyfriend looks and acts a lot like him, so that is really nice.
Recently my co-worker and good friend died. I still don't know if it was an accident or on purpose. He drank a lot one night and then tried to cross the street. That really devastated me. It was almost a year ago, and it still makes me really sad.
Death is never an easy event to handle. We all intrinsically know it should not have happened. Our world was not originally meant to have death as a part of it. One day we will all be home in heaven. Then death will be no more, and we will all live with God and be happy forever.
Romans 15:13
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
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