I watched the most eye opening movie I've ever seen last night. Have you all seen Cake yet? It is Jennifer Aniston's newest movie. In the movie she is suffering from horrible physical pain. She attempts suicide a few times but never fully goes through with it. You never totally find out what happened to her. It seems that her 5 year old son was riding his bike and a car hit him. She tried to save her son's life and hurt herself really badly in the process. Her son still died. Then she had to live with the guilt of not being able to save her son, and the extreme physical pain she had to endure.
She was addicted to lots of pain pills the whole movie, but you think, how could anyone blame her? She was in tons of pain.
It made me think of my mom and her physical pain her entire life. She has scoliosis. Her back is the most curved back you have ever felt. She had 4 back surgeries, which probably kept her spine from snapping and making her paralyzed. She still lots of back pain though and has to lay on ice packs often, anytime she goes out or tries to do anything really.
Somehow she has stayed strong, probably because my grandma was a strong warrior type of woman. She modeled resilience well for my mom. My mom surprisingly never got heavily addicted to pain pills. That is her biggest come back victory. She has been on one anti-depressant at a time, which helps her somehow. Luckily she never became an alcoholic or got addicted to any drug. She knew she had to be cognizant to raise me and my brother. She did a great job being strong. My mom is the strongest person I've ever known.
The last time I saw her, I cried a lot after she left. I had forgotten all the pain I can see in her. I felt sad that she had to go through the hardest life anyone could have. Why did she? I don't know why. God doesn't explain things to us, why we tend to suffer so much.
In the Bible, Job tried to ask God why he suffered so much. He lost everything, except for his wife. At least he got to keep her. God didn't answer his questions. He just said, "Where were you when I created the world?"
Here is me asking my own question to God. God, why did my mom suffer so much? He says, "To be an example to you that if she could endure all that pain, you can too. You will be ok. Just keep pressing on. Your life is not over. All will work out for your good, I promise. I love you very much. I never meant for you all to suffer so much. You can blame it all on Ben if you want, but you know you should not have picked him. He was too crazy for you, from day one. You will be ok. We all live and learn. Just stay strong and keep going. I have much more for you to do. Get ready."
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