Be a Calm Spouse

Proverbs 21:19 

"It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman."

A lot of people in marriage pick fights with their mate rather than share their feelings. They don't know how to say maturely what they want or need, so they just throw a temper tantrum. They have not learned to be an effective communicator. Maybe they don't even know what they want, and that makes them angry at themselves. Then they take that anger out on their mate. That is why knowing yourself is vital. 

Also I have noticed, it seems easier to push a person away than to draw them closer. I think people do that when they are afraid. Maybe the person thinks, "They will reject me anyway, so I will reject them first by pushing them away." But what if they never will reject you? Don't assume and act like you know what could happen. You might cause that to happen by what you do. 

This verse has always stood out to me. It reminded me of many women I have known. It is not just women who get like this though. It is also better to live in the desert than with a "quarrelsome and fretful" man. Men, act like men. Don't be drama queens. Don't be like your moms. Maybe you are close with your mom, but that doesn't mean you should ever act like her, if she is a drama queen. The issue in our modern world is men are acting like women, and that is why so many women feel the need to act like men. Someone has to be calm and rational. Someone has to be in charge of things, when the man is losing his mind. 

Keep the peace in your home. There should be no reason to fight a lot. If you feel a lot of anger over other things, deal with that in your own time. Don't take that anger out on your mate. I have done this to a guy, and I've had a guy do this to me. With my first serious bf I think I took a lot of anger I had at my dad out on him. That happens because when you fall in love, your heart starts to feel what it had ignored for so long. He didn't deserve for me to be angry with him so much, but I was. It was just becauase he was a guy and my dad was a guy. 

With my ex-husband, he had a lot of anger at his first wife for cheating on him. He took that anger out on me, simply because I was also a woman. Maybe I kind of looked like her, who knows. He thought I would turn out just like her, but assuming makes an ass out of you and me. I wouldn't have cheated on him. His fear caused him to accuse me over and over of cheating, which ended our time together. 

Other issues in marriage are people meeting their own needs if they can. If you are hungry, go eat something. If you are really tired, sleep more at night. You have to be disciplined sometimes and force yourself to sleep. Your mate should never be in charge of keeping you from being hungry or lonely etc. You should be an adult and be able to care for yourself, for the most part. You are not meant to be totally dependent on another adult when you are an adult. 

There should be nothing to fight about in a relationship. What is the point? You will only mess up your blood pressure by getting angry a lot. Dying of a heart attack would not be fun, so calm down.