When I was about 13, my older brother drew pictures on the chalk board at church of all the ways to kill himself. He got them from a TV show called "Dead Man on Campus." Shortly after that my mom had him committed to a mental hospital in a city 20 minutes away. I know he did that as a call for help. He wanted people to draw closer to him. Instead my mom, being the heartless mom that she was, kicked him out. She probably just didn't know how to deal with all that. She told me also that he threatened her with a knife in the kitchen one day. He doesn't remember doing that. Maybe it was a dream she had, or maybe it really did happen.
When he got out of the mental hospital, he was homeless for a few months in that city. He slept on park benches until someone let him live with them. He started working at Pizza Hut and his life got a lot better after that. He had a few girlfriends, one he got pregnant. That didn't work out, but at least he could say he got to have a son. He visited his son when he could, but his baby momma was difficult. Eventually he left town to follow the band "The Grateful Dead." He said he made money by making grilled cheese sandwiches behind his car. Then he joined the National Guard and made a lot doing that. He paid a new car off and got every material possession he could possibly want. He lived by my mom and I in CA for awhile. Then when I was 22, my grandpa said he should go back to living by his son. I was incredibly sad to see him leave CA.
Ever since then I have been worried about him. We didn't talk for a long time. In the past year, we started to talk on the phone every week. That has been great. He had some horrible back pain and couldn't work. I figured, "Great, now he has all the time in the world to talk on the phone." :)
I don't know if he ever attempted suicide, but I suppose he thought about it several times. We lost our dad from our parents divorcing. When we did see him every other weekend, he was the most critical person in the world toward my brother. I don't know why. Maybe my dad was scared to death that Nate, my brother, would turn out like him. They had a very hard relationship. Eventually Nate stopped wanting to go see my dad. I think they lost touch for a long time, but that was for the best I think.
I hope my brother will have a happier life in the future. He has a smart girlfriend now so that is good. Hopefully she will help him to keep wanting to live well.
Pray for him that he will have a desire to go back to church. I hope he will someday.
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