Changes

Feeling stuck can cause suicidal thoughts, but too many changes also can. It takes time for your mind to adjust to new situations. It is good to gradually change things in your life. If you start a new job and get a new house and a new family all at once, that can be hard to handle. Try to slowly change things in your life. 

Often times people don't change anything in their life, because change can be scary, but it can also be super exciting. Try to see it as a positive thing rather than a negative thing. Change is like a re-birth. It is like starting with a clean slate, a fresh new beginning. 

When I was 14, my mom wanted her and I to move back to California to live by her mom. The road trip was tons of fun, but that was a very hard change for me. I had to leave all my friends in Nebraska. The culture was totally different in CA, and I had to adjust. No one wears plaid shirts in California. :) I had been away from CA for 5 years and had turned into a Nebraska girl. I had gone country, as the song says. It took a while to make good friends in California. 

Then I had adjusted to being a CA girl and moved back to Nebraska when I was 25. That was also a hard change. I hadn't driven in the snow yet. The people in Nebraska are different. They are more introverted. Luckily, I found a half gangster and half Christian guy to be with. That made the change easier. I had a lot of fun hanging out with him, until he drank too much one night and died. 

Then I went back to CA and off to Australia and over to Kansas City and down to Texas in the next 3 years. Those were all fun changes. 

My ex-husband and I moved 8 times in our 7 year marriage. Finally, we were settled at the end of our time together, but then he went crazy. Maybe he didn't want to be settled. 

I then moved 5 times in the last 3 years. Those were all kind of hard changes. 

I remember I told a guy I was renting a room from in Australia about all the times I had moved. He said, "Ok so you're a nomad?" I was like, "Yeah I guess so." I do have a bit of Native American in my bloodline, so maybe that is why my life has seemed very nomadic. 

I am currently in West Texas, but my dream is for my sweetie and I to get a beach house in central or northern CA. I miss my homeland. I always think of going back there. I am just waiting for the best timing. 

I used to have dreams a lot, when I lived in CA, of a tsunami hitting CA. In my dreams, me and other people were always running to higher ground. I wondered if that was meant to be symbolic of something. There have been a lot of sad changes in CA lately. Someday, when all that calms down, I hope to return to the most beautiful land God ever made. :)